Category Archives: loss

‘Hairpin’ #AtoZChallenge

Please, oh please, oh please, was all she could think as she raced to reach the hospital. The call had come nearly thirteen minutes ago. She’d dropped everything and ran from the house. It was a beautiful summer day; he’d asked if he could ride his bike with the neighboring boys. It was a big moment for him; they’d never invited him along before. There was no reason to say no – she was so proud to see her little man growing up.

Oh, God! He just learned to ride last month, I should never have said yes! Her own thoughts tugged at her as she narrowly missed being crushed by a semi hauling lumber as she darted around a slow moving car in her lane. She panicked the moment she heard his name, she didn’t listen to the rest of what the nurse had said. All that mattered was getting to Robbie.

BWWAAHHH! A blaring horn interrupted her thoughts. She was rounding a hairpin turn in the outside lane passing yet another car when she looked over at the driver. He was trying to signal her; swinging his arms wildly as he screamed from inside his own vehicle. She glanced forward just in time to see a cement truck bearing down on her at full speed. Slamming the brakes and yanking the wheel hard to the left, she saw a flash of metal just before her tires left the road.

The car tumbled down the wooded mountainside. As it careened off trees and rocks, the sound of shattering glass and screeching metal was a symphony of noise in the cramped interior. Mouth stretched open; the violent downward motion choked back her scream. Time seemed to slow to a crawl, what took mere seconds turned into infinity as she watched through the cracked windshield. The car eventually came to rest in the ravine; all was silent inside.

(part one of two… tomorrow, ‘I’, will be part two)

© Copyright 2014 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to my April AtoZ Blog Challenge post! I hope you enjoyed my ramble, and come back for more! Don’t forget to visit the other bloggers participating by clicking on the badge to the right, or simply using this link. :}

‘Grass’ #AtoZChallenge

I’ll sing to you, my love, a song so sweet it will echo for eternity. I long to be near you, but you’ve been taken away to a place I cannot follow. Our hopes and dreams now only memory. I mourn the loss of each cherished moment, each impassioned embrace. I come to this field, run my fingers through the dewy grass as the sun arrives; bask in the shadows as the day retreats. I reach for you, much as I reach for the times we’ll never share again, yet always my hand strikes this vile marker placed above your grace. Still, I feel your radiant smile as I sing; it broadens with each blush upon my cheek. My heart in your hands, as yours is in mine, always.

© Copyright 2014 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to my April AtoZ Blog Challenge post! I hope you enjoyed my ramble, and come back for more! Don’t forget to visit the other bloggers participating by clicking on the badge to the right, or simply using this link. :}

‘Eight’ #AtoZChallenge

Dwindling twilight; a summer breeze. He hands her a chilled glass of wine. She smiles, thanks him, sips the dry fruity liquid and blushes. He returns the smile, sips from his own glass and looks out over the lapping water of the bay. Taking her hand, her leads her down the steps, across the patio and opens the gate leading to the ocean. Slipping off her shoes, she steps through the gate and onto the cooling sand. He follows. Hand in hand they stroll to the water’s edge. Leaning down, he places a chaste kiss upon her forehead, her cheek, her moistened lips. They walk in silence, letting the water caress their ankles.

Rounding the tip of the inlet, the water is much more aggressive here, the waves coming ashore with more force. The open ocean lies before them. They’ve always dreamed of sailing away together, escaping the drudgery of day to day life and living as nomads on the sea. They walk for what seems hours, both glasses long since drained, both sets of feet tiring of the sand. She smiles in the moonlight and nods back the way they came, indicating they return home. Never one to deny her, he smiles and nods his agreement. They turn, begin the trek back; the tide is coming in once more. She veers towards the gentler sand; he tightens his grip, holding her in place. She glances up, sure he has misread her cue. His face is shadowed, but seems harder, less indulgent. She tries to pull her hand free; he doesn’t allow it. He draws her further into the water; she tugs back, still believing he is playing. The moonlight slants across his face; she sees no mirth in his smile, but an ugliness she didn’t know existed. She begins to panic; he drags her toward the undertow. Being the stronger swimmer, he doesn’t fear the water at night; he relished the fight of the high tide. She swims only when the sea is calm and fears the deeper water. Waves begin to crash over them; she sputters; he grins. Turning with an iron grip on her wrist, he drags her out into the inky blackness.

Eight days crawl by; he still clutches the swim trunks the police believe he was wearing the night he returned home, unable to find her. The detective sits on the opposing deck chair, tells him there is nothing more they can do. He begs, he weeps, he pleads for them to understand she would never enter the water at night alone. The detective understands, is sympathetic, but must still inform him they are declaring her lost at sea. The only item found thus far is her swimsuit with its custom label that washed ashore. He identified it himself she reminds him. He is shattered, a broken man, the love of his life lost. The detective apologizes once more and excuses herself. The police presence withdraws from his home, his life, his world. He is the affluent one; there is no reason to suspect foul play. There wasn’t even a life insurance policy to question; she never purchased one. Playing the part of the grieving widower, he ceremoniously lays her to rest at sea; their friends all mourn his loss.

Three months later, he sails into port; she waits for him in the lavish bungalow they purchased on the French island of Réunion. They’ve had no contact in the months between. For two estranged lovers, it has been a long wait. They reunite; he pours each of them a chilled glass of wine; she asks if there was suspicion on his part. He tells her of his hysterics, burying his wife at sea, the long journey to reach the island. She asks again if he was suspected of having a hand in his wife’s death. He laughs as he answers that while he did indeed have exactly that – a hand in his wife’s death – they never suspected a thing. She asks how that could be. He smiles, places his wine on the table and cups her face while reassuring her the plan was flawless. Convincing her older sister to marry him, then gift him her wealth was a stroke of genius; it placed him above reproach and set them up to share a lifetime of extravagance. She’s the one he loves. The wedding; a ruse.

She smiles in return; she’s been swimming these waters for a while and knows which underwater caves have air pockets, and which don’t.

© Copyright 2014 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to my April AtoZ Blog Challenge post! I hope you enjoyed my ramble, and come back for more! Don’t forget to visit the other bloggers participating by clicking on the badge to the right, or simply using this link. :}

‘Debris’ #AtoZChallenge

Pushing his way through the crowd in a near panic, the old man searches each and every face, praying to God that one of them belongs to his grandson. Back at the house, the ruckus of screeching brakes as the train derailed woke them all earlier than expected. He, however, woke moments before it began with a dreadful pit in his stomach. Still searching the faces, he catches sight of a book fluttering on the side of the tracks, a sketchbook. His heart clenches and he nearly drops to the ground from the pain, but he can’t – he has to know. Making his way through the debris, he looks down, and there among the other rubble is a rendering of the most beautiful woman he has ever seen; it’s his own wife the way she looked on their wedding day, the way she looks in the portrait that hangs over the dining room mantle.

With a shaking hand, he begins to reach for it, but falls as his knees give way. Police and onlookers rush to his side; he knows they are speaking to him, but can’t make out their muffled voices as their hands try to lift him to his feet. It’s all a blur of motion and sound, his only focus is the dried blood splattered across the page. The soul-wrenching horror of a celebration that will never take place pushes him beyond his body’s limit. As the burgeoning morning blackens to night once more before his eyes, he has a fleeting thought – his grandson describing the eerie, almost mystical way 250 tons of speeding metal hurtling down the tracks is nearly silent until it’s just upon you…

(part two of two… yesterday, ‘C’, was part one)

© Copyright 2014 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to my April AtoZ Blog Challenge post! I hope you enjoyed my ramble, and come back for more! Don’t forget to visit the other bloggers participating by clicking on the badge to the right, or simply using this link. :}

‘Cat Nap’ #AtoZChallenge

The tracks seem so lonely at night, that’s one of the things he likes about coming here – the solitude. Most kids his age would rather hang out with their friends, or go to a party. But not him, he likes the quiet of the night and the silence of the tracks. He’s been coming here as often as he can since he was knee high to a grasshopper, that’s what his gramps says. His grandfather is the only one who knows about his late night forays to the station. It’s their secret, has been for the better part of fourteen years. Yeah, it’s lonely out here at night, but that’s alright with him.

He walks the fifty yards or so down the tracks to the last lamp post past the junction and sits down, sketch book in hand. One day, after he becomes famous, he’s going to come back here and draw that lamp post, and the view back to the station – well, the shack that holds the automatic ticket dispenser and bench that everyone calls a station. But for tonight, his last night before going off to college, he’ll sit and draw like he’s done every other night. Once his pencil starts moving, his hand will know what to do.

Looking down at what he’s sketched, he thinks to himself, not too bad. He’s happy, but stiff and sore. He needs to get home and catch a cat nap before helping his mom set up for the going away party she’s planning for him. Stretching to his feet, he relishes the smell of the predawn musk that hangs in the air – there’s nothing like it, and he knows he’ll miss it when he’s away. Collecting his knapsack, still looking down at the drawing, he starts heading back to the junction.

(part one of two… tomorrow, ‘D’, will be part two)

© Copyright 2014 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to my April AtoZ Blog Challenge post! I hope you enjoyed my ramble, and come back for more! Don’t forget to visit the other bloggers participating by clicking on the badge to the right, or simply using this link. :}

‘Bloom’ #AtoZChallenge

The tantalizing scent from years gone by draws her to the past. Ruminating once more, she sits before the window and looks out over the garden. The laughter and joy of children running amongst the flowers and tall grasses brings a sad smile to her face. She leans her head upon the pane, her delicate hand reaching up to join with the leaded glass as well. Shifting to stare upward toward the warm glow of the sun, she squints. With a sigh, her eyes drop to her lap, her hand follows. She longs to run in the tall grasses, to play amongst the riot of fragrant flowers now in bloom, but alas, the braces upon her legs no longer allow such things. No matter the grandeur surrounding her, it does nothing to alleviate the pang of loss she feels. She rolls back to the desk and rings for the nurse, her sole companion during the hours her uncle is at work. The brace upon her left leg is beginning to chafe once more; it irritates what little skin she is able to feel. She longs for her mother, her father, but most of all – her younger brother. The year is 1957; the news she reads is encouraging but for her, it comes too late.

© Copyright 2014 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to my April AtoZ Blog Challenge post! I hope you enjoyed my ramble, and come back for more! Don’t forget to visit the other bloggers participating by clicking on the badge to the right, or simply using this link. :}

‘Abrade’ #AtoZChallenge

A girl stands alone upon a cliff; the winds abrade the stone face of the rock much as they abrade her worn and tattered memories. Memories once held dear and cherished, memories never meant to betray or show the truth behind the lie… memories that should have carried her through a lifetime of sorrows both overwhelming and small. Buffeted by the wind, tossed about by the images playing in her mind, she opens her arms as she opens her eyes. Her tears glisten on the edge of the precipice. Spilling forth, they are carried on the breeze to yet another sorrowful moment in her existence.

© Copyright 2014 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to my A to Z Blog Challenge post! I hope you enjoyed my ramble, and come back for more! Don’t forget to visit the other bloggers participating by clicking on the badge to the right, or simply using this link.  :}

The Morning After

(the continuation of Fjord)

The jarl descends to the water’s edge to await the triumphant return of his sons as he does each morning. This morning, as he approaches the icy depths, he spies their craft, though not in the manner in which he hopes.

Standing at the shoreline amidst the wreckage, he waits. It is not long before the wife of each man who boarded the vessel is standing beside him. Among the splintered wooden remains of the ship, treasures of gold and jewels manage to glisten in the cool morning mist.

He tells them not to mourn; those who set sail would have been victorious in battle for the vessel to have been laden with such riches. Viking women do not wail for their men who have been lost to the sea. When a youth reaches forward to pick up a trinket, the jarl’s booming voice echoes back from the walls of the narrow passageway.

“No!”

Turning to his people, he instructs that no one is to touch the plunder. The fjord will take what it will with the lapping tide; the rest remains as tribute to be called upon as the gods see fit.

That night, the jarl prays that his sons died well, and now sit in the halls among the warriors who have gone before them. They were good strong men, of this he is certain. What fate may have brought their ruined craft to this shore, he does not know; he knows only that the light of the following day will bring him the answer he seeks.

Upon waking, the jarl makes his way to the fjord’s rocky shore once again. What he finds sickens his heart. The wood of the wreckage has been claimed by the water, in its place, the flesh and bones of all but one man have been spit upon the shore and left to rot. His spirit rejoices that he is unable to  find his eldest son, and crumbles when he sees the other among the mangled and broken corpses. He did not die a good death, this younger son.

A Sea-Eagle soars overhead, screeching out a final anguished cry before its soul joins the ranks of those who departed this world with courage and honor.

© Copyright 2013 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.


I’m doing the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge! Pop back everyday but Sunday through the month of April for a new letter prompt to spawn my deranged ramblings! ;}

Grave

I sit before your grave and mourn you, or perhaps I mourn for me. The light that was stolen from my life is unjust, leaving behind a harsh glare where once there was a gentle glow. I still feel your touch, your hand gently caressing my face as it slowly slides into my hair, cupping the back of my head. I feel my eyes flutter shut as you gently glide my lips toward yours. A final remembered glance of your amber tinted eyes as your deliciously long lashes flutter shut as well. My hand falls, not to rest on your soft, warm thigh, but upon this cold stone monument. Jarred from my revere, my tear moistened eyes open to see not your liquid eyes looking back, but the hard edifice that now entombs all that you were. If there had been one final moment, what would we have done; what would we have said; would you have allowed me to come with you? Is what was shared between us enough to carry me though another day in this world while you exist in another?

I sit before your grave and mourn you, or perhaps I mourn for me. The light that was stolen from my life is unjust, leaving behind a harsh glare that blinds me to all the beauty you once revealed. Perhaps I will lay my head down and rest with you one last time. The snow my cushion, my memories the only warmth I need on this cold, heartless night.

© Copyright 2013 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.


I’m doing the 2013 Blogging from A to Z Challenge! Pop back everyday but Sunday through the month of April for a new letter prompt to spawn my deranged ramblings! ;}

She Watches

My watcher gazes upon me, great despair and longing seeping through her gently fluttering lashes. She lives a life of torment, a life filled with a depth of pain and depravity that rivals my own. Closer she wishes to draw, trying – always trying, but the measure of her success is a cruel and harsh one that denies, not grants, the wants of those like us. Unable to do more, she watches.

She watches as I sink ever further into the squalor that is my self-imposed exile, my place of preciously preserved pains, the darkest recesses of my mind where even I cannot find respite from my own deranged ramblings. Gasping for a breath that will never come, hope a thing lost to a moment that can never be regained, I will forever dwell in this chasm of nowhere. Capable of infusing life into me once more, yet unable to wade such a distance, she must simply watch as I succumb.

She watches as I prance about in this tattered garb, seeming to most a thing so giddy; a toy bright and shiny – all the while, inside… nothing but a fool. She sees my cracks, my flaws, all that makes me unworthy. She is witness to the tarnish that dulls my plating, the rust that flakes my surface, the debris that hinders my step. She gropes at the pile of destroyed dreams, hoping in vain to free me; the more she digs, the deeper the rubble becomes. She must watch as I succumb to what others have done, and what has become of me.

She watches as I shatter into innumerable shards, only to suffer my tears as I collect each delicate fragment to me; insistent upon rebuilding my ruined castle once more. Tears of acid crawl down my cheeks, the madness that accompanies them the crumbling of the world – my world – should they ever truly be unleashed. A steady stream of tangible harm inflicted by so many, each droplet a testament to the life I bear. Her desperate plea for me to hush heard only as an echo in my ear. Her arm stretched towards me, wanting so much to offer reprieve, is hindered by obstacles both beloved and unfair. She must watch as I succumb to what others have undone within me.

She watches as I flay open my own flesh for allowing moments of weakness, glimpses of joy, lies of happiness that happen in an instant, gone all too quickly. Brief encounters, an hour, perhaps two. Touching, loving, seeing, hearing; feeling – breathing; for the first time in so long, breathing. A small step that leads to a brighter existence, a false step placed upon undulating ground. A promise of the sweetest forever, but no promise ever made, a faith always held – a mourning that shall never end, my forever, my reality.  This she must watch as I succumb not to what others have undone, but what I have done to destroy me.

Would I give so much more for even a lie of something less, if that lie was not this? With all the wasted remains of me, I would…  But my watcher stands as guard. She will not allow one to crumble, for the other would fall, no longer even the loathsome wreckage that now exists. Scalding tears pour in a cascade of deafening silence from her eyes. She must always watch me from behind a glass wall that cannot be allowed to shatter for all that would be lost.

A pile of forever swept to the side so that the tendrils of this now never break for what should have been.

 

Originally posted on Pen of the Damned on October 2, 2012 – shoot on over to PenoftheDamned.com to read more of my mad ramblings, the exquisitely pain filled and deliciously horrific works of my fellow Pen members!